Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Picture of Brokenness

So, I have been in a bit of a spiritual slump as of late.  I know that the Lord is just waiting for me to lay down at His feet again, but I have been feeling cold and along and full of anxiety and stubbornly continuing to carry everything on my own.  So, this morning, with the heavy feeling of the last few days still fresh, I turned on the song, Beloved by Kari Jobe and began to read my Bible, forsaking all of my other normal attention stealers (Facebook, news and gossip...terrible to admit, but since I'm all vunerable right now, I figure I'd just go all out)  So I opened up looking for the story of Lazarus, hoping to find something to give me hope in my husband's healing. (The right side of his face is paralized from Bells Palsey).  Instead, I think I have found a key for the beginning of my own healing.  I read about Mary.  Now, I know about Mary and Martha and their different personalities.  I've heard the story a hundred times about Mary and the jar of perfume.  But today, I see this woman in a different light.  When Jesus, who had delayed his arrival, came to see Mary and Martha, Martha told Jesus that her brother, Lazarus, was dead and that if He had only come sooner, she knew He could have healed him.  He called for Mary to meet Him.  When she did, she said the same thing to Jesus.  However, she followed with something different.  She fell at His feet and started weeping.  I'm sure these tears were the tears of loss.  The Bible says that Jesus was "deeply moved in Spirit."  This verse precedes the shortest and most humanizing verse in the whole Bible for me...."Jesus wept."  Her broken spirit moved Jesus so deeply, that He wept with her.  Later, Mary took her jar of expensive perfume, which was worth a years wages.  She broke the jar and poured in on Jesus' feet and washed it off with her hair.  I've always read these stories seperately, but today was different.  Today, I see a woman who is filled with deep emotions and who sees the world differently.  She is artistic and sensitive and at times, openly broken.  Not only did Jesus not judge her for being this way, but He was moved deeply in His Spirit.  I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not, or what other people need me to be.  I, a sensitive and artistically minded woman, am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Today, I choose to be like Mary, raw and open and broken before my Savior.  He doesn't need me to be fixed and perfect, He needs me honest and true and broken so that He can create a masterpiece using the pieces of that I lay at His feet.

1 comment:

  1. OH it is so hard to let go! I hear you:P
    I am sorry your having a hard go at things right now....but so happy that you found peace in the Lord:P